How to hold people to expectations without being a tyrant

---

Some of the concerns that we often hear from leaders is one, I don't want to be a tyrant that holds people to expectations, but two, I don't want to be a pushover. I want to make sure get performance and, I totally get it. There's a critical, it's the getting the balance right here is absolutely critical. And when we think about empathetic leadership, it's easy sometimes to think that we are going to become a pushover that people think I might just kind of give everyone what they want and I just pander to their every need.

No. No, that's not right. And it's not right for really two simple reasons. One is we know it's ineffective for driving performance. We know that when we just give people everything they want, we don't necessarily meet what they need to grow and to develop. But the second and probably more important part of this is, it's not empathetic to your team.

Individuals have different needs. And we have to understand those needs, but at the end of the day, your job is to drive performance across a team and empathy for your team is understanding what your team needs. If you've got one person who's not meeting expectations, they're not doing the work. They're not supporting the rest of their peers.

Then empathy is not necessarily being nice to them. It might be making them clear and understanding of the expectations. So that you can hold them accountable. So they support the rest of their team. I can guarantee you this. If someone in your team is not meeting those expectations, there is a really good chance that the rest of your team are looking at you.

And wondering why aren't you doing something about this? I've worked with many leaders who have complained about a particular person who is not meeting expectations. And worrying that I'm going to tell them they have to keep helping them and supporting them and that is part of the narrative, we do need to help them and support them.

Sometimes we also need that, help them move, help them leave. And so often when we do that when we go through that hard work of really making sure that we support them out the door, the rest of our team turnaround and thanks. 

Empathetic leadership goes beyond individuals. Empathetic leadership is about understanding everyone on your team and supporting the group's performance.

Not just individuals. Now it doesn't mean being cruel. It doesn't mean firing everyone until there's no one left. No, no, no, no. What it means is understanding these human dynamics that are at play. Setting clear expectations, holding people to account with trust and honesty, and then making the best decisions for your team. Empathetic leadership is hard because it's complex.

It's much harder than managing processes. It's managing people. That's the key skill.